Cohabitation and Its Repercussions

Cohabitation and Its Repercussions

Cohabitation refers to unmarried couple living together in an emotionally and sexually intimate relationship, although literally it would mean people living together. Somehow I was prompted to reflect on cohabitation and its consequences while the topic was being discussed in "Marriages, Families, and Intimate Relationships" class. I began to brood over unmarried cohabiting couples and visit some websites. I was curious to discover how, where, who and why cohabitation starts and what is its overall impact in the United States?

Soon after high school, most teenagers have to stay away from home in the dorms where they have to live in partnership because living separately is expensive and unaffordable. Also students can share their chores, cooking, cleaning, and almost everything in partnership. Besides this they can provide moral, physical and social support to each other. They have a choice to choose male or female partner. Currently most students prefer the partner of opposite gender because they are more amicable and compatible. As you would have thought, by living together they develop intimate friendship which further translates into sexual relationship. This is how and where the cohabitation kicks off. Here cohabitation is an indispensable part of academic requirement.

It appears from the interaction with modern society that cohabitation is the most popular ideology for successful and lasting marriages. Cohabitation has become a normal and accepted way of the courtship. Earlier it was dating to marriage; now it is cohabitation to marriage. They logically assume that cohabitation allows couples to experience a “trial marriage”, by living together partners get confidence, understand each other well and will be prepared for successful marriage and avoid divorce. They also consider that two thirds of Americans cohabit and fifty percent marriages come out of cohabitation. However, recent research shows that this ideology is wrong. According to the U.S Census, nearly half of all marriages end up in divorce.

Here are some findings from my personal observations. In my own family there are many nephews and nieces above thirty and not married yet. When I questioned one of them, “Hey when are you going to marry?” The reply came, “What is the hurry?” another reply, “Why marry and get entangled when you have it gratis.” Shaan and Soni, my niece came for Thanksgiving Reunion after two years, when we asked them, “How about Bridal shower?” Their reply was, “Maybe pretty soon but we are happy as we are.” Yet another cohabiting couple in the same party said, “Let’s see what happens.” This hinted that they were either at the verge of breaking up or expecting a baby.” It was obvious that these guys around thirty years were continuing to court till something happened otherwise they were happy as they were. I wondered even if you buy a software, the trial run period has some time limit and conditions for ware and tare of material but this was like lifetime testing! No, this doesn’t make sense to me. My conclusion is that such couples can only survive till they break up.

Another category that cohabit are working single males and females like nurses, receptionists, air hostesses, teachers, drivers, security guards, janitors or construction workers. It is found that some males and females are just alone and need support and security and prefer living together; they need so called Linus Blanket. Some teenagers who rebel with parents, run away from home and need to live with someone find it convenient and affordable to live as cohabitant. So to say, there is some kind of financial, psychological, or social vulnerability that compels them to live in company of some likeminded  person. So it is their helplessness which drives them to cohabit. Obviously such fleeting couples cannot make lasting marriages.

Here are some shocking results which speak about miserable consequences of cohabitation. According to the 2010 Census data,

“Over 7.5 million unmarried couples live together (which translates into 15 million people).”

“Forty percent of unmarried households have children.”

“Nearly one in five women (19 percent) becomes pregnant within the first year of cohabitation.” (http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/living-together-book). It is imaginable how many men, women, and children are ruined because of this cohabitation dogma and style.

Spreading of STI due to cohabitation is another big issue. The facts about STDs are really shocking! http://www.floridahealth.gov/diseases-and-conditions/sexually-transmitted-diseases/ One for example:

10,000 teens are infected by STDs per day, that's one every eight seconds!

The percentages of cohabitation have changed in a very big way in recent time.
If this is the outcome of cohabitation, then everyone has to think seriously about the approaching catastrophe. One of the main reasons responsible for this befalling tragedy is social acceptance for cohabitation.

Extended Family

Extended Family

Think of the most charming events of life: Reunions, X’mas, Weddings, and Thanks giving! Mr. Gul has a huge house in Allentown and throws an open invitation to all his relatives to reunite for a week in the month of May. The ambience is so cheery, cool breeze and warming sunshine in the backyard; one girl stands up and introduces her handsome hubby as Mike and her pretty little daughter as Lilly. People around giggle and say, “Oh my God, when did she marry? And when did she have a girl? A gorgeous lady shrills, hugs and says, “Oh darling, how wonderful seeing you after ages.” A grandma embraces a cute girl and says, “Oh my sweetie pie, I’m not going to let you go back now.” People tell stories about their boyfriends, girlfriends, dating, graduations, new colleges, new jobs, and even divorces. They chuckle, sob, sing, dance, recall nostalgic moments, drink, relish delicious food, watch movies and take pictures. Two, three days later they start dispersing, taking sweet memories with them and leaving behind memorable stories. All this would not happen if there were no extended families!

It’s X’mas. Dark snowy night twinkling with candles, lights, and evergreen X’mas tree decorated with apples, berries, small toys, cookies, and ornaments; slow, soft, melodious music of X’mas carols is on, young and old are swaying with the beats of music. There is Santa and kids, gifts and cookies, ham and wine mirth and merriment. All members are bustling with joy. How could this be possible without extended family? It is an unimaginable joy to watch innocent kids sincerely keeping milk and cookies for Santa, and keep eye on chimney and wait for the surprising gifts. They are dumb with wonder to receive letter from Santa Clause, or phone call from Santa Claus not knowing that it is none but one of their extended family members. Indeed there would be no charm in life if there were no relatives! New Year, Weddings and Thanksgiving are no less exciting events than this. All this can happen only in extended family! How would you know what is compassion without grand children or grand parents!

Research has shown that there are several advantages to living in extended families. Living in an extended family provides many things that a nuclear family does not. “In many cultures like Asians, Middle Easterners, Africans, Eastern Europeans, indigenous Latin Americans and Pacific Islanders, extended families are the basic family unit. Grandparents often take the leading roles due to the fact that they have the most experience with parenting and maintaining a household. They are also responsible in teaching the younger children their mother tongue, manners, and etiquettes.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extended_family) The main advantages of an extended family are economic, social, emotional, psychological support. It is seen that children who grow in extended families learn cooperative work and develop a sense of brotherhood and caring for others. Though there are advantages of living with extended family members, there are some problems too. If there is large number of members in a family then one cannot have privacy like in a nuclear family. Sometimes you do need to do certain things all alone. There is a chance of conflict over many issues like authority, spending money, and decision making.

Considering both sides, it can be easily deduced that though extended family has some disadvantages the advantages outweighs the disadvantages.