Understanding: The secret of lasting marriages

Understanding: The secret of lasting marriages

At the outset let me make it clear that here we are dealing with

understanding between the wife and the husband  because ‘understanding’ is a vast branch of learning. I believe understanding between the married couple is the core of lasting relationship. It is imperative to comprehend what is ‘understanding’? How to understand? Where does understanding come from? And what does it encompass? Similarly, what is marriage in my simple words? What do a wife and a husband do in the marriage? What is a soul mate? What makes marriages last? When we find the answers to these questions, we will realize that the secret of lasting marriage is actually not a secret.

Understanding anything is the ability to perceive the truth, the true nature of an entity. True understanding, is the complete knowledge of the matter, subject or issue. To understand, one has to look at a thing from all different angles in a critical manner and know all the aspects. Most of us see only the top surface of the object; but there are few who scan the matter obliquely, view the cross section of the thing, take in various abstract aspects of the object into consideration and identify the absolute nature of matter. That is when they understand the real fact.

For example the earth is not just the surface we see at the top but there are so many metals, gases, water, fire and chemicals underneath. Under the ocean there is a huge sea world. Inside the human body there are so many complicated systems hidden. To know what is going on in the mind of a person, one has to think psychologically and then decide as to why he or she behaves in a particular manner. You need to gain the insight of the behavior of the subject, in this context your partner.

Unfortunately, understanding doesn’t come by itself like genetics, inheritance, legacy or heredity.  It is acquired by deep study, critical thinking, protracted learning, experience, self realization and from environments all around us. As such it will not be right to judge a person by his/her facial looks or spoken words. We need to get as close as possible to the soul mate and listen to his/her heart. This is how a couple has to understand each other for lasting relationship. How to develop this kind of positive understanding is elaborated in following paragraphs

What is marriage? When I tried to find the definition of marriage online and in encyclopedia, I was completely confused to see the different types of husbands and wives, different types of marriages, different ways of marriages, different legal contracts, social contracts, religious contracts and so many hassles involved in marriage. Thank God I had not known these entanglements before I married.

My personal definition of marriage is, “The relationship between the two soul mates.” But what is the meaning of soul mate?  As per me the soul mates are wife and husband, made for each other. Again “Made for each other” means what? Now this encompasses many things: compatibility, love, romance, promises, fidelity, standing together in ups and downs, and sharing physical, mental and financial responsibilities.

Somebody has rightly denominated wife as the better half. Even in Hindu religion wife is considered as half body (Ardhangini). After the marriage the wife becomes the part of yourself. If the part of your body, say a finger, is wounded and starts hurting would you cut it off? Of course not; we try to find some remedy to heal it. If your child makes even a grave mistake do you drive him/her out of the house?  Why then wife/husband? We forgive ourselves under all circumstances but if the partner errs we can’t forgive. We expect ourselves to be forgiven for any faults but can’t forgive others for any subtle fault. We don’t realize the reality that no one is perfect in the world; everyone has faults. This is the bottom line of the reasoning. I think most break ups take place because they do not recognize this valuable piece of reality. They consider wife as an alien arrived from a different planet.