Divorce: Can we prevent it?

Divorce: Can we prevent it?

Divorce today has become as common as a marriage. “Today’s infographic lays out some surprising information about divorce rates in America. It turns out that approximately 50% of all American marriages end in divorce. What a sad statistic! What’s the point of getting married if half of them fail anyway?” (http://dailyinfographic.com/divorce-in-america-infographic.)
I think you stand more chances in lottery than a successful marriage! Can we change this fate? I think Yeah.
Statistics indicate that divorce rate started rising up from 1960 to 1980 steeply. Before 1960, ‘Divorce’ was an alarming word. If we had to talk about it we needed to whisper in a corner, away from children; but today it has become a fashion! The teacher starts class at the beginning of the semester saying, “Students, you know me as Leticia Smith but now I am Leticia Burke because three months back I had a divorce.” And no one is surprised! A second grader tells his friends, “I am going to live in my dad’s house next week”. And no one is surprised!

As we all know divorce is a legal break up between the married couple called wife and husband. The reasons for break up are also very common. Every few days we hear someone ends relations and say:

“She is too much. She doesn’t want to take any responsibility and on top of it argue for every single

thing that I do. She wants everything done in her own way. I am like no one! Enough is enough.” (Responsibility)

“I am sure he has some affair. How can he be so late everyday and have no interest in the household at all? What is the use of marriage? Am I meant to take care of kitchen and kids only?” (Infidelity)

“It was far better before marriage. I could dress, drink, dance, spend, meet friends, and live in my own style. He promised me all this and showed all rosy dreams and now he wants me to do double shift! Not me. (Unrealistic expectations)

“I never agreed on having no child at all. I just meant first couple of years. It‘s now three years, we can surely afford a child. What is a home without a child? All my friends already have a couple of them. If you don’t agree I quit.” (Conflict over child)

Apparently, and as mentioned in the book the common reasons of the divorce are:

Arguing

Infidelity

Unrealistic expectations

Conflict over child

Inequality

Abuse etc.
Although, I agree with these reasons, I personally feel that above cited reasons are not the real causes. These are the conflicts and issues. I think the root causes from where these issues stem

are:

Lack of love, giving rise to lack of commitment, and lack of communication.

Ego

Lack of Understanding

If you genuinely love your partner, you will be prepared to do many things for your partner. You will not argue but try to sort out the problem amicably. If you love someone genuinely, there is no question of cheating and infidelity. If you love your partner you will not expect unrealistic things but jointly try to achieve the goals. Conflicts like having child or not can be solved by discussing all pros and cons seriously and acting on best outcomes. While there is love abuse will not be there. If you keep ego aside and try to understand you will realize that complete compatibility and equality is never possible; because no one is hundred percent perfect and draw backs exist in both partners.

In my own personal married life of 47 years, there were many conflicts but we didn’t break up. Even petty things hurt our ego and we decide never to deal with that person again and take drastic step. Here is an example. Once, a friend of mine called me and said he was in my town for a day. I wanted to invite him for a meal. On reaching home I told this to my wife. But she said the house was in a mess, there was not enough time and material to prepare a nice meal so it would be a bad show. I thought it was the question of my prestige, my friendship, and my impression. More than that I thought my wife didn’t obey me and it was humiliating that I did not have power to entertain my friend at my home. Secondly it directly meant we were not in good terms. I was extremely furious and ignored my wife for not less than a week. Long time after

this, I thought over this incident and felt where she was wrong? What would have I done in her place? Why could I not tell the friend frankly that it was not convenient to have meal at home so we have it outside? Obviously it was all a matter of mindlessness. Appropriate approach would not have created this ridiculous situation. In these circumstances we are emotionally inflicted and we feel like giving up living together and end up relationship.

Once the negative thought of break up stems in your mind, you are carried away by ego. Your ego doesn’t let you surrender though you realize your mistake. There is lack of communication and the door to reconciliation is closed. The game is over. You have lost.
So the bottom line is the emotional and psychological factors responsible for breach of good relationships. If there is genuine love, understanding, mindfulness,and control on false ego then most of the divorces can be avoided. The research has found that one out of three divorced couples wanted to reunite after some time.