Success of Arranged Marriage

Success of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriage in a broad sense means the marriage arranged by parents or well wishers of the family who select the bride or bride groom for their son or daughter, considering the compatible features like practical partnership, religion, cast, social, educational, and financial background.

The idea of arranged marriage may sound funny today in the United States and Western countries but it is still prevalent in some countries like India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Africa, Middle East, Southeast Asia and part of East Asia.
As per my personal observation and experience, arranged marriages are more stable than autonomous and other types of marriages. I belong to India where typically, marriages are still arranged by parents, grandparents or other relatives. I had seven paternal uncles and aunties and six maternal uncles and aunties. On a wedding occasion all the extended family members gathered and we happened to be twenty three paternal and maternal cousins. Of the twenty three cousins, marriage of twenty one cousins was arranged by their parents and the two boys married girls of their choice. As today two of the couples have broken up; one out of arranged marriage and one out of love marriage. This is a living example of my own family.

In love marriage, the first thing boys seek is how sexy she is and does she look like a super model. The other attributes are secondary. In arranged marriage the compatibility ie

religion, cast, social, educational, and financial background is already checked by the parents; what the boy and girl have to see is mutual approval. Similar function is now being done by match making marriage web sites. The choice of selection is huge on web sites but one has to rely on the profile information provided on web site which might not be reliable.

Now let us see how a typical arranged marriage takes place and why does it last longer. 47 years back, after I had graduated and got a job as engineer my mom’s brother informed us that parents of a good looking, graduate, talented girl from a decent but financially weaker family were looking for a suitable match. When I was asked if we should call the party for meeting, I did not think deep and said "okay" because I thought, “Can you get a dream girl? Marriage is a gamble. It is a lottery. Are marriages not decided in heaven and celebrated on the earth? Then why make fuss?” The party was called, I spoke to the girl few things and both of us agreed. The marriage was settled on certain terms between the mutual parents mostly about expenditures etc. All done. In Hindu weddings once the girl comes to boy’s house that house becomes her permanent home. Break up is considered as a stigma not only for boy or girl but their entire family. The divorcees usually cannot get a virgin match. We began life with no high expectations. So the life appeared more and more delightful. Once you are on track, you begin to think of making a blissful home, child comes in and usually parents are focused on child. There is bugging, bickering and conflict but by this time you have established some understanding that he/she is mine. If he/she has some fault or problem it is my problem and I need to fix it not shun it. This attitude of compromise, forgiveness and acceptance is the bottom line of success of arranged marriage. The feeling of equality, ego, and selfishness split the couples.